Tag Archives: Utopia

What Am I Supposed To Think?

This is the question that blocks my growth. Some moments or days I am endlessly asking myself this question.

I become an infinite loop of validating that my thoughts in a particular situation are representative of the person I wish to be, or think that I am. I fear that if I don’t perform this double and triple check my very identity will drift off and become something bad, something very far from where I want to be.

It’s like I am constantly righting the ship.

The random nature of the mind makes this an incredibly tiring activity. I am sure there are many techniques one could perfect to train the brain to be more efficient in it’s thinking. Prior to becoming spiritual I forced my thinking to become more positive. I wrote down my better qualities and carried them around with me. In my tougher times I would repeat positive phrases dozens of times.

And this worked to a certain extent. Repetition was the fuel of my negative thinking so it makes sense that it could be reversed. However this still empowered the mind as the determining factor of my inner peace. And the randomness of the mind is still there.

I suppose it is that inherent randomness of thought that enables creativity.

It allows new ideas to emerge. It is this total freedom to create without boundaries that the mind loves. As soon as we place limitations, rules and boundaries around thought our mind rebels. Almost like a teenager, you tell the mind not to think something and it will think it until the cows come home. And because we are trained to identify who we are with what we think our anxiety goes through the roof. Compounding this is that the emphasis on identifying with thoughts is growing exponentially in our culture.

There is popular buddhist saying “What we think we become”, however the end of that quote is often left off and it changes it’s meaning entirely. It follows “When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” While the shortened version of this quote seems to emphasize controlling your thoughts, when heard in it’s entirety it seems to point away from that. To free yourself of thought is to be joyful.

In order to really change this world you need a free mind.

When you’re that true self who can watch the mind without getting wrapped up in it’s content brilliant ideas will flow through you. Perspectives that remained hidden before will be revealed. You will have an understanding of the whole that’s required to transform this planet into the utopia it was meant to be.

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Random Thoughts on Spiritual Awakening

I have always thought that awakening sounded like something that happened quickly, like the amount of time it takes coffee to brew in the morning (I guess that would be “awaking”). However, progress has been a bitch temptress. I curse her when she leaves, but the key is always under the mat

I am a bag of fear and confusion. I have tasted what I’m looking for but I can’t wrap my head around it. I am always acting as if I have figured out some part of it but I am still just floating in space trying to change my direction.

I know I respond the same way over and over to the same situations and it is clearly a reaction and in no way an indication of true self. But why would a brain take such comfort in repeating such dreadful patterns that cause so much pain. Does the brain not care about emotions? The body sure thinks they’re a drag.

I have lots to say about the world but I just can’t find the words. It is frustrating to feel that you have something insightful to say but nothing comes out of your mouth or gets written on paper. I often figure that if I keep writing I have to stumble upon wisdom at some point. Or that the “real me” will take over and enlighten us all.

I guess the “real me” is not really a “me”. When we get down to the core of who we all really are, we are all the same. We come from the same place with the same eternal forces in each of us. Damn it sounds so mystical. But I believe in defining love as that unifying force. Could a universe exist based on hate?

What if it’s not love or hate but just nothing? Well love can only arise when there’s nothing left to block it. Perhaps that is the genius of it. Watching Sandra Bullock spin through space in dead silence in Gravity I started to wonder if I could feel only love if I was in her shoes. However, I was busy giving my arm rests a death grip to spend too much time thinking about it. Absolutely terrifying.

Another part that blows my mind is how we don’t just exist in the universe but are the universe itself. So when we look around, or listen, we are actually the eyes and ears that the universe is using to see and hear itself! Absolutely incredible as far as I’m concerned.

Also, the enormous size of universe. Why is it so damned big? It’s like it is trying to convince us to stop spending any time trying to understand all of it because it is completely unrealizable. Or perhaps in it’s infinity it provides unlimited hope. Who knows what is out there? Perhaps a utopia. Perhaps that utopia can be here. Maybe it is here.