Tag Archives: Identity

Does Authentic Conversation Exist?

Part of the reason I prefer to spend so much of my time alone is that everything always feels so forced when I am in the company of others. Every single conversation people have with each other comes with an ego-based agenda of some sort.

Maybe they want to sound intelligent. Or come across as funny. Maybe there is something you have that they want. And maybe even someone wants to cultivate their spiritual identity. Perhaps if it happens at work you want to appear hardworking.

Work can be the worst with those superficial conversation staples: Are you keeping busy? Staying out of trouble? Pretty cold out there! We have to think outside the box!

And when I take part in these conversations it brings that side out within me as well. As I interact or converse with someone my ego is looking to express itself, improve itself, or impress someone else. It is so god damned exhausting.

I would much rather go somewhere and be in silence.

But does authentic conversation exist? Is there such thing as a direct verbal interaction between two souls?

Perhaps this is why I am drawn to spiritual texts. I don’t feel the undertone of any identity based agenda. It has a beautiful way of disarming me. And there is no interacting with a book!

So what is your recipe for surviving the day to day interaction of ego’s? Or perhaps you don’t mind it like I do. I hope the recognition of this complex dance of ego’s is a big step towards transcending it some day.

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13 Thoughts From a Reluctant Seeker

I hate the idea of being labelled a spiritual ‘seeker’. It feels like the label itself would keep me from everything that I am looking for.

I don’t know how to obtain something that I can’t first imagine with my mind. I can’t become an enlightened or realized being because I can’t sufficiently imagine what it would be like first.

I love going for walks in the park at this time of year. It’s cold enough that there are very few people there, but not too cold that you can’t dress up and be comfortable. I treasure these times of solitude.

I mourn the fact that this false identity that I have spent my whole life cultivating (and unfortunately still cultivate to some degree) will never join me should I achieve enlightenment. That they will not reap the spoils of suffering is intensely sad.

I now know that anything I do in an effort to heal this identity will only keep me from the bliss I seek. I have to stop trying to save me as this only reinforces the idea of “I”.

I have an innate desire to be profound. It must be ego, but I wish to make discoveries about the nature of humanity that will ultimately lead us all to be happy and peaceful.

Saving humanity seems like a noble goal but also self serving, for such a person would likely be held in high regard. Do I need to discard it with the rest of the ego as I attempt to understand the true nature of the self?

I believe that when humans achieved self awareness there was a split in the universe. Along with the eternal natural evolution of existence, a separate path for the false “I” was born.

We are all much more concerned with ‘how long we live’ rather than ‘how we live’. We would gladly sacrifice enjoyment for longevity. I saw evidence this morning as a school in Toronto outlawed tag at recess because a few kids got hurt. Surely there were other measures that could have been implemented rather than this knee jerk reaction.

It’s not hard to explain Donald Trump. The policies he promotes indicate that he is very much afraid. The support he receives say much of America feels the exact same way. Conquering fear has never been more important.

I used to believe that corporations were the source of all evil. But now I believe that if we infuse them with a purpose that is aligned with core values of humanity they can be an invaluable vehicle for progress. The rise of purpose driven organizations has truly given me hope.

I had a beautiful moment a few weeks ago where the idea that some ‘person’ existed somewhere inside my body was absolutely preposterous. I went on to think “if there’s no person, then what the heck is going on here?!?” The hours that followed where I couldn’t rationalize my own existence felt very easy.

Mooji has many great quotes but this one in particular really touched me. After one person at his Satsang said he was exhausted he replied (and I’m paraphrasing) “Being a person takes a lot of energy. Being yourself takes no energy at all.” This is a great compass. if what I am doing takes effort, than it is wrong lol!

 

 

 

Teleportation and Identity

I have often wondered what would happen to the self if we should ever invent the transporter. You know the one, ‘Beam me up Scotty’. Is it really the same me that materializes on the planet surface that was just on the transporter pad on the enterprise? The true self is spiritually described as the absence of content and since it is just the content that has been transported then the true self should be unaffected. Saying that I am not sure I would be ready to be beamed anywhere!

I did find an interesting article online about this topic and even though I disagree with their perspective, not to mention a misunderstanding of the buddha’s teachings, I wanted to share.

Here’s the link!

I Am Not, Yet There Is

As it becomes clear that this body is void of any personal identity, the enigma of existence unravels.  What is left is an alarming emptiness. An impersonal organic structure of perception exists but not in service of an identity.

And as the identity vanishes, so does the haze through which I had previously seen the world. A remarkable clarity is born as the heavy emotions and burden of re-activity are lifted from my heart.

After meditating on this discovery I stood up from my trusty park bench, and somehow, I felt taller. But there was also fear of these new sensations. There is an obvious temptation to return to the old ego. To return to that familiar stomping ground. But this time I’ve come too far.

Walking back to work I feel as if I am floating. I repeat several times to myself “I am not, yet there is”. It is an accurate reflection of how I am feeling. That the long accepted paradigm of my existence is changing. I used to be a person in the world. Now there is just the world.

It is a pure awareness of my environment. I call it pure because there is no false “I” that I am trying to incorporate into it. I am not evaluating the goodness or badness of the events around me. There is simply no baseline against which they could be measured.

The Now becomes a given. Without a personality to make life conditional, things just are as they are. Thinking has not stopped, but I am not energizing it with excessive attention. There is an ease which carries me back to my desk.

It is not a beautiful day here by any means. It is rainy, windy and an unseasonable humidity is in the air keeping it slightly warmer than normal. It is a day that could have easily lowered my mood, but I am quite content. There is an ineffable beauty to it. Not so much from an aesthetic perspective, but in the energy of it. It is the energy of life simply living itself.