Tag Archives: Ego

I Am Not, Yet There Is

As it becomes clear that this body is void of any personal identity, the enigma of existence unravels.  What is left is an alarming emptiness. An impersonal organic structure of perception exists but not in service of an identity.

And as the identity vanishes, so does the haze through which I had previously seen the world. A remarkable clarity is born as the heavy emotions and burden of re-activity are lifted from my heart.

After meditating on this discovery I stood up from my trusty park bench, and somehow, I felt taller. But there was also fear of these new sensations. There is an obvious temptation to return to the old ego. To return to that familiar stomping ground. But this time I’ve come too far.

Walking back to work I feel as if I am floating. I repeat several times to myself “I am not, yet there is”. It is an accurate reflection of how I am feeling. That the long accepted paradigm of my existence is changing. I used to be a person in the world. Now there is just the world.

It is a pure awareness of my environment. I call it pure because there is no false “I” that I am trying to incorporate into it. I am not evaluating the goodness or badness of the events around me. There is simply no baseline against which they could be measured.

The Now becomes a given. Without a personality to make life conditional, things just are as they are. Thinking has not stopped, but I am not energizing it with excessive attention. There is an ease which carries me back to my desk.

It is not a beautiful day here by any means. It is rainy, windy and an unseasonable humidity is in the air keeping it slightly warmer than normal. It is a day that could have easily lowered my mood, but I am quite content. There is an ineffable beauty to it. Not so much from an aesthetic perspective, but in the energy of it. It is the energy of life simply living itself.

Death Of An Ego

Anxious poison in my heart
Feels like bursting wide apart
It is my lungs now cut in half
A voice that cracks and never laughs

Stress is squeezed around my head
Misunderstands each comment said
Feel my heart beat through my chest
Makes every step a failed test

Fear of death is what ages me
Blinded from what the sages see
Keeps me naked in the rain
Frozen with no chance to change

Depression’s weight still crushes me
Like ten thousand gravities
Tidal waves on a rocky shore
Pounds with unrelenting force

All is still my fighter dies
Screamed out his final battle cries
Amongst the ruins a surprise
Waves retreat and hopes arise

As I sit and lie in waste
I search for God and test my faith
A glimpse of some new mystery
Captively entices me

First things first I’m not my mind
In any action I can not find
All that happens I must allow
The thin line of the present now

Surrender all and do not define
There is no me and what is mine
All that I am I’ve always been
With no real hate and no real sin

It is not a God of bearded chin
Booming voice nor whitened skin
It is but Love that dwells within
Accepts all things, all forms of kin

Pain and purpose start to merge
All separations must converge
Truth flows through abandoned minds
Frees Love within all humankind

God Bless The Tears

God bless the tears
that cleanse the soul
that abate my fears
when pain takes a toll

The anxious thought
and judgemental mind
aren’t all for not
just all in time

God bless the flame
that lights the path
leads past my shame
and egos wrath

After and before
Tis thanks I give
but my guide no more
I choose now to live

God bless the wrong
it illuminates the right
I know I’m strong
but no need to fight

Come in my friends
we are not foes
there’s hearts to mend
and much to dispose

Take off your shoes
hang up your coat
we’ve paid our dues
we’ve crossed the moat