13 Thoughts From a Reluctant Seeker

I hate the idea of being labelled a spiritual ‘seeker’. It feels like the label itself would keep me from everything that I am looking for.

I don’t know how to obtain something that I can’t first imagine with my mind. I can’t become an enlightened or realized being because I can’t sufficiently imagine what it would be like first.

I love going for walks in the park at this time of year. It’s cold enough that there are very few people there, but not too cold that you can’t dress up and be comfortable. I treasure these times of solitude.

I mourn the fact that this false identity that I have spent my whole life cultivating (and unfortunately still cultivate to some degree) will never join me should I achieve enlightenment. That they will not reap the spoils of suffering is intensely sad.

I now know that anything I do in an effort to heal this identity will only keep me from the bliss I seek. I have to stop trying to save me as this only reinforces the idea of “I”.

I have an innate desire to be profound. It must be ego, but I wish to make discoveries about the nature of humanity that will ultimately lead us all to be happy and peaceful.

Saving humanity seems like a noble goal but also self serving, for such a person would likely be held in high regard. Do I need to discard it with the rest of the ego as I attempt to understand the true nature of the self?

I believe that when humans achieved self awareness there was a split in the universe. Along with the eternal natural evolution of existence, a separate path for the false “I” was born.

We are all much more concerned with ‘how long we live’ rather than ‘how we live’. We would gladly sacrifice enjoyment for longevity. I saw evidence this morning as a school in Toronto outlawed tag at recess because a few kids got hurt. Surely there were other measures that could have been implemented rather than this knee jerk reaction.

It’s not hard to explain Donald Trump. The policies he promotes indicate that he is very much afraid. The support he receives say much of America feels the exact same way. Conquering fear has never been more important.

I used to believe that corporations were the source of all evil. But now I believe that if we infuse them with a purpose that is aligned with core values of humanity they can be an invaluable vehicle for progress. The rise of purpose driven organizations has truly given me hope.

I had a beautiful moment a few weeks ago where the idea that some ‘person’ existed somewhere inside my body was absolutely preposterous. I went on to think “if there’s no person, then what the heck is going on here?!?” The hours that followed where I couldn’t rationalize my own existence felt very easy.

Mooji has many great quotes but this one in particular really touched me. After one person at his Satsang said he was exhausted he replied (and I’m paraphrasing) “Being a person takes a lot of energy. Being yourself takes no energy at all.” This is a great compass. if what I am doing takes effort, than it is wrong lol!

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “13 Thoughts From a Reluctant Seeker”

    1. This is a surprisingly difficult question to answer. I think I ask less questions now. I am becoming less dependent on rituals for becoming more peaceful internally. At the time of this post I was more focussed on changing my internal state of being and now I am shifting to changing my external situation. I would say I am more content but I am not all the way there yet…

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      1. That’s great!!

        I know you don’t know me well enough to take my word for it. But you are most definitely all the way there. Right now. Always. Peaceful feelings and content feelings come and go. Clear mind states come and go. Circumstances change. All in You. Nowhere to go. What good news! Well, good news if you are tired enough to stop searching. 😉 Love to you dear Graham!

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