I have gotten to that point in my spiritual journey where it feels like there’s nothing left for me to do. It’s the feeling that I don’t need anymore information to become realized, yet I remain unrealized.
Since I began down this road almost 3 years ago I was always making progress. And even today I have made headway with a profound glimpse at understanding how all of the Universe exists only in my mind. That there is no ‘out there’ only ‘in here’. For a time I felt at peace with all the ways in which my perceptions have manifested around me. Or rather, within me.
And then… the feeling goes away. As it must I suppose. To be enlightened is not to always have wonderful experiences, but to be unaffected by the ups and downs of experience. It’s not the pursuit of happiness but the search for that unwavering state of bliss that already exists deep within.
Frustratingly, there is no series of tasks that must be done to realize your true nature. No amount of meditation or yoga will guarantee anything. A spiritual teacher can only point to what it is by telling you what it is not. It’s like I am waiting for an ‘a-ha’ moment while also anticipating an ‘a-ha’ moment. As if the mind can know how it will feel to transcend the mind.
I am currently reading “I Am That” by Nisargadatta Maharaj and find it the most profound book on spirituality I have ever read. In a recent chapter he instructs the questioner to remove all expectations from life and you will be free. I will strive to take that advice to heart.